Fishing Lines
by StrongerThanISeem
Summary: Literally everyone knows pickup lines are awful. Then, why is Derek trying to use them on Spencer? And while they didn't have the intended effect, did something more come out? You know Garcia's behind it. Conversation-only story, slash. /M x R/


TITLE: Fishing Lines

Warnings, Reid/Morgan, meaning slash. Conversation only, and just a little OOC.

I really should be doing Calculus homework, but whatever.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Okay, I'm here. Now what are your other two wishes?"

"E-Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"I'm not Garcia."

"Yeah, and?"

"And? You don't talk to me like that."

"Aw, c'mon. I can mess with you, can't I, Pretty Boy?"

"So you're messing with me?"

"Well, yeah…"

"You can't just have a serious conversation with me, Morgan? Ever? I'm just here to mess around with?"

"Wait, no, I didn't mean it like that. I just…"

"Whatever. I still have paperwork to do."

"Geez, Reid. What bit you in the underwear?"

"I'm…sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I'm just not in the mood."

"Do you need to talk about it, man?"

"No, no, it's nothing."

"Just know I'm here when you need me."

"I know, Morgan. You never let me forget it."

"Good. Hey, looks like JJ has something in the meeting room. Wanna go see what's up?"

"Let's go."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Do you have any sunscreen? 'Cause you're burning me up."

"Cheesy, much?"

"Nah, man, that one works all of the time."

"Hold on, you've actually used that on some poor woman?"

"Don't make that face. The ladies love it when you talk to them, y'know."

"…has that been the goal the whole time?"

"W-What are you talking about, man? Heh."

"All of these lines you've been giving me over the past few days. Are you trying to give me tips on how to pick up women?"

"O-Oh. Uh, yeah, sure. I'm sorry."

"Its…fine. But Morgan, have you ever considered that maybe I don't want to be picking up women? At least…not the way you do?"

"You're right. You can be a chick magnet when you want to, can't you?"

"Sarcasm can be harmful, ye of little faith."

"Whatever you say."

"So you'll stop trying to give me those awful lines? I can assure you, I'll never use them on anyone. _Ever_."

"Alright, Pretty Boy. Alright."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Are you Jamaican? 'Cause Jamaican me crazy."

"I thought you were going to stop!"

"What can I say, I couldn't help it."

"No one would _ever_ mistake me for being Jamaican."

"You can…kinda…see it…sort of…"

"Shut up, Derek."

"Kitty's got claws."

"I'm not a cat."

"It's a figure of speech, kid."

"I know, but with how you apparently think I'm Jamaican, I'm not taking any chances on you believing I'm feline."

"You'd look cute with the ears."

"Don't ever mention that to Garcia. If she comes after me with a tail, I'm coming after _you_."

"Rawr."

"Creeper."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Have a good weekend, Reid."

"Thanks Emily. You too, okay? Especially with that creepy guy following you."

"Wait, what creepy guy? Prentiss, do we need to kick some ass for you?"

"For your information, Derek, I can take of myself. Don't worry about it, it's just an old friend who has a bit of a crush on me."

"He wrote you three ballads and named a hamster after you."

"Thank you, Reid. Really helpful here."

"What's his name? I'll go and rough him up; scare him a little."

"There's no need to flex, Morgan."

"Like what you see, Pretty Boy?"

Sigh.

"Sorry I brought him up, Emily. I'm going to leave before I miss the Star Trek marathon on cable."

"It's okay. I'll talk to you over the weekend."

"Hey, Pretty Boy?"

"What?"

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

"I highly doubt that. But, do tell, what am I forgetting?"

"Me!"

"What in the hell are you doing with your eyebrows?"

"Ignore him, Prentiss. He's been doing this for a while now. Hurry, lets head to the elevators before he opens his mouth again."

"I heard that, scrawny man!"

-.-.-.-.-.-

"My lips are registered weapons."

"And here I thought I'd get a peaceful week."

"Peaceful, with our job?"

"You know what I meant. And that was a terrible line."

"What are you talking about? It's a legitimate line. Do you once again doubt my skills?"

"It was extremely lame. And that's coming from me."

…

"…you're not lame."

"Uhhh, okay?"

"Seriously, Reid. You're not lame."

"Just a few weeks ago you were laughing at me for going to a cosplay event."

"So?"

"You called it, and I quote, "the lamest thing to do on a Saturday night."

"…I did?"

"Yeah, you did."

"Wait, why are you leaving?"

"I'm going to the break room."

"Listen to me, Pretty Boy; I'm sorry about calling it lame. Calling _you _lame. You really aren't. I know you might think it, and a lot of it is my fault, but you are wonderful. You're funny, scary brilliant, and always loyal. There is nothing lame about that."

"Th-thanks…ahem, thanks Morgan. That's really nice."

"You're welcome, Pretty Boy."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Did it hurt?"

"Oh god, please don't go there. Spare me this nonsense."

"C'mon. Did it hurt?"

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response. I know where this is going. Now go away, my head is throbbing."

"You need to answer the question. C'mon, for me?"

"That makes it worse."

"Well, that hurt a little. Please, just answer the question? I wanted to make you _swoon_."

"One, no way in hell am I swooning. Two, no one swoons anymore anyway. Three, this is getting annoying—and would you stop poking me?"

"Please? Pretty please?"

"So, you seriously want me to answer a stupid question, leading to a cheesy cliché that will no doubt leave everyone—especially me—feeling awkward?"

"I…I thought it would make you smile…"

Sigh.

"…fine. Whatever. Go ahead."

"Did it hurt?"

"Why, I don't know what you're talking about, Derek. Please, do tell. What hurt?"

"When you fell from heaven, because you're an angel."

"…nope, still an awful line."

"Don't think I don't see that smile you're hiding, Reid."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Uh-huh. See you in the meeting, kid."

-.-.-.-.-

"If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase, so I could unzip your genes."

"You have the worst possible timing, did you know that?"

"You know you, cough, liked that one. Admit it."

"It was science-based; how can I not like it?"

"You finally liked one of the lines, huh, Pretty Boy? Or do you just pity me?"

"Considering you were just shot in the shoulder?"

"Yeah, considering that."

"I have no comment."

"Hahaha, cough, right. Right."

"Excuse me, sir? We need to put the agent in the ambulance."

"Oh, yes. O-Of course."

"Wait, Reid. Come with me? I don't like hospitals."

"I can't, Morgan. I have to analyze the scene."

"Can't it wait? I don't want to be alone."

"Garcia will be there in a little. You won't be alone, okay Derek?"

"O-cough, cough-kay, Spencer. I'll—" Slam.

Siren.

Sigh.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Did you know my mouth can generate over 750 psi?"

"Really? _Really?_ The first thing you say to me in the hospital is a god-awful pick up line?"

"What's wrong with that?"

"I can't say I didn't expect it, to be honest."

"See? You're liking it."

"Not necessarily."

"Well, Garcia said to keep up the science-y ones since you seemed to like the last one."

"You mean the biology joke you told me while you were bleeding out in front of me?"

"Hehehehehehe, yep."

"Oh, no. How much pain killers did they give you?"

"I'm not sure, but I can't feel my legs. Reid, where are my legs?"

"Look down."

"Oh, yeah. Okay. Hehehehe. Do you live in Tennessee—"

"You're kidding, right? I live in Virginia—you know that."

"'Cause you're the only ten I see."

"That wasn't even close to being scientific."

"It wasn't?"

"No."

"Damn, I'm sorry."

"Wait, why?"

"Because I messed up the joke…and none of them make you smile…and I want you to smile…and you seem so sad right now, 'cause I got shot. Sorry I got shot."

"Derek, it's not your fault that you were shot. It was the sociopath trying to kill that young boy. You saved lives, and you make many people happy. Don't apologize."

"But are you happy?" Yawn.

"Morgan, what does that have to do with…" Sigh. "I'll talk to you later when you're awake."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Good to have you back, Morgan."

"Thanks, Hotch. It's good to be back. I've been bored off my ass at home."

"It was only a week."

"I know, but a guy can only take so much of daytime television and sleeping on the couch."

"Weren't you supposed to be sleeping on your own bed?"

"Oh, hey, J.J., we got a case?"

"You need to take care of yourself better. And yes, we do."

"Yes, mom, whatever you say."

"Hotch, have you guys seen Reid?"

"He was supposed to be helping Garcia with an equation for her programs. Have you checked there yet, J.J.?"

"I'll go get him."

"Okay, Morgan. We start in five minutes."

-.-.-.-.-

"Knock-knock, gorgeous."

"Why hello there, stud. What brings you down here to visit little ol' me?"

"I heard you were cold and thought you could use some hot chocolate. So, here I am."

Groan.

"You never have any good ones, do you?"

"Hey there, Pretty Boy. Why are you under Garcia's desk?"

"I'm helping her rewire the processor."

"Couldn't baby girl do that?"

"Why work when you can have your adorable boy genius do it for you?"

"Hahahaha, that's good advice, mama, but we have to head up to the conference room. J.J. has a case for us."

"Oh, he'll be right there, hot stuff."

"Evil waits for no man."

"Whatever you say, boy wonder. And don't forget what we talked about earlier, okay?"

Click.

"What did you and Garcia talk about, Pretty Boy?"

"We just had an interesting conversation the last few days."

"…about?"

"Why so curious, Morgan?"

"No reason…"

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Thank whatever deity out there that we finished this case."

"I hear 'ya, Reid. That was brutal. At least we get tonight to_ sleep_."

"That's true."

Chirp, chirp.

"Hey…uhhh, Morgan?

"Mmmmm, yeah, Reid? I was just about to sleep."

"Oh, sorry. Go back to sleep."

"No, no, now that I'm conscious, you're gonna tell me what's on your mind."

…

"S-So, excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the F-Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the p-position."

"W-W-What?"

"You've been running around in my mind all day…wait, no I did that wrong. Something about s-sore feet?"

"Reid, are you on drugs again? And why are you on my bed?"

"Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Guadalupe?"

"Reid! What the hell is going on, man?"

Crash.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I must've read that wrong, it's just you're you, and Garcia said you had a plan, and she told me and—and I thought you –"

"Breathe, Reid, breathe. Hey, let's get you off the floor, okay?"

"O-Okay." Sniff. "…I'm sorry."

"Let me get this straight, Garcia told you about a plan I had?"

"Yeah. She must have just been joking, I'm sorr—"

"Stop saying I'm sorry. Just…shit. I wasn't ready…"

"Wait, the plan was real?"

"What all did Garcia tell you?"

"I asked her why you kept bugging me with those pickup lines, and she said it was an idea of hers…to…y'know…"

"Make you like me?"

"…yeah. That."

"Anything else?"

"She said that I'd think you were messing with me, that I'd try to figure it out…and that she was really hoping that we'd…uh, well, that we'd be together…by now."

"Garcia just told you that, out of nowhere? Geez."

"She said she was doing it for our own good…and that I should use lines on you too but it's hard to…but it was either that or man-up and just tell you that I've…"

"Yeah, Reid?"

"…thatI'velikedyouforyears…"

"Reid. Spence."

"Uh-huh?"

"I'm sorry you've been confused about this, or thought that I've been messing with you."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. Especially since I could've manned up too…and just have done this…"

"Mmph! Mmmmm."

"Hmmmmmmm."

"…yeah…you could've definitely just done that…"

"Shut up, Spence."

"Hey—mmmmmm."

-.-.-.-.-.-

"So, you told Derek to mess with Spencer, knowing that the genius would find it annoying, endearing, and confusing, where they would theoretically grow closer? But Reid would still be confused, meaning he would try to figure it out with you."

"Yep."

"Where you'd tell him what was happening, then tell him to make a fool of himself with his own pick-up lines?"

"Pretty much."

"So, they'd confess and live happily ever after."

"You guessed it. Any problem, Kevin?"

"How'd you know it would work?"

"You doubt me?"

"Never, but you do realize you could've just told one of them to simply ask the other out to dinner, right?"

"Please. That's no fun."

"You never did do anything the simple way…"

"Hey, babe?"

"Hmm?"

"If you were a booger, I'd pick you first."

"You too, hon, you too."

-.-.-.-.-.-

_I have no clue what the hell this is. It's a conversation-only story done in under an hour. _

_I like the style of conversation-only, and its my first CM story as well. It might not make sense, but then again, do pickup lines ever do?_

_Review, pleaseandthankyou. Lots of love, etc. Ignore all spelling/grammar problems as well as OOCness. XD_


End file.
